Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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