I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He has the fingertips of a God
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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