I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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