____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
