I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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