Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
