3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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