you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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