I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
