I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
