I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
