I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize