used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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