I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
