The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think my moral compass just broke
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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