Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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