listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
