Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
