I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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