My room smells like vodka and shame
Soap is not a condiment
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
