he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
