Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
