I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
