So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
