it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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