Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
