I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
