umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
