i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
