I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize