Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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