My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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