how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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