Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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