Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
