I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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