Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
