Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
