Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
