Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
