We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
