I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
