normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
