And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
