my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
