we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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