Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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