I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
