so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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