Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
