i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
