Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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