my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
