Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
