There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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