So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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