A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
