Someone shit on the floor
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
