Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
