Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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