we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
