I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My feet surprised me
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