lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
