Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize