Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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