I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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