yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize