Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
