p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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