If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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