is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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