I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
