glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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