He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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