No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My pussy is not your playground.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize