Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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