There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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