Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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