Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
